Your Present Is Not Stolen

So as many Uni students do over the holidays I'm working. Basically I need the cash, and if I have nothing to do I get pretty crazy and hard to deal with (according to a very honest friend of mine). Luckily I have a previous degree, a skills set, and some good contacts to fall back upon when in need of some cash.

So I'm working in the corporate sector (I hate the corporate sector). Although I quite like my current job, it's with a small firm and a boss who has employed me previously. The good thing about small companies is that they always have really good atmospheres and staff morale (in my experience).

This small company has an unusual policy of hand delivering scotch to their best clients every Christmas. So being the new guy I got to trek across the CBD with many bottles of scotch in the 34 degree heat. (I now enjoy scotch much less that I used to)

Several of the bottles had to be delivered to Barristers working up near North Quay. One particular barrister (a Queen's Counsel actually) I delivered a bottle to happened to be standing next to his secretary when I arrived. He politely thanked me and we shook hands and exchanged small talk. He than removed the bottle of scotch from the box and to my horror the electronic anti-theft tag was still attached to the bottle (Not one of the small ones eithe but a dirty great big one with a locking metal ratchet to go around the neck of the bottle).

Luckily all he said was, "That's rather unusual". To which I decided to feign ignorance and claim that, "I have no idea what that is". After some conjecture on the identity of the offending device I beat a hasty retreat. Upon inspecting the other undelivered bottles of scotch I discovered that all of the bottles still had their anti-theft tags attached. 

Although despite the obvious potential for disaster this all ended well. The remaineder of the scotch was delivered with the antitheft tags in place, since removing them would damage the bottles and they don't prevent one from opening of the bottles. I also had a good laugh about this with some of the more senior guys at the office. They seemed to think it was pretty funny.  

Less Than Brilliant

I'm back. After several weeks in exile from technology to study and recover from study (Drink like a fish). Additionally part of my absence has been enforced by a loss of power and clean up from the several storms that have ravaged Brisbane over the last week.

Although I return with an amusing story if anyone still reads this thing. So I'm at the gym the other night and I'm listening to my i-POD. So the right ear phone falls out and I go to put it back in but it feels like it's still in. I take a closer look at it and realise that the damn thing has broken off and part is stuck in my ear canal. So I go see a medical colleague of mine who lives not far from the gym to see if she can firstly visualize the thing (It was wedged quite deeply in the external auditory meatus) and secondly if it could be removed (without the use of shiny pointy instrumentation near my tympanic membrane).

I needlessly point out that these attempts at visualization and removal failed. Thus late on a Saturday night I presented to a after hours GP clinic to have the piece of plastic in my ear. I had trouble explaining my presenting complaint to the secretary behind the desk in a way that didn't make me sound like a complete tool, philistine, troglodyte, moron (take your pick). I was then asked by the doctor exactly how this had occurred and upon quick inspection he was overwhelmed with mirth. Although he did mention that this wasn't nearly the silliest thing he had ever seen, and more a case of poor circumstance. I felt reassured by what he had said and decided to remember this way of presenting circumstances to a patient, it seems likely to come in handy.

Towards the end of the consultation the doctor asked me what my occupation was I admitted to being an medical student. This resulted in the eventual upside of being bulk billed and avoiding the $70 fee that the clinic has multiple signs up in the waiting room to warn patients about the fees.

Nutty Professor

So we had a lecture today from a professor of Gynecology and he was a complete nutter. He was one of the most offensive people I've ever come across. Now I'm not too fond of the new PC culture, so I'll tell you an idea is stupid if I think it's stupid (Diet water for example). However, I'm not a small minded 1960's throw back who believes it's appropriate to tell a patient that they're "disgustingly fat".

Now in the space of two hours this doctor managed to offend most people in the room by uttering the following gems of political correctness:

• You people don't learn any anatomy or physiology so I'll have to explain the menstrual cycle to you before I can give the lecture I'm supposed to. [Proceeds to arrogantly review material from last year and frustrate many students]
• Running after little children is pretty good exercise for women
• Large beefy women rarely fall and break their hips because they've got such strong muscles from carrying around all that beef
• You've never heard of evidence based medicine before but you'll soon realise it's pretty important. The current buzz word!
• You should always check if she has a mustache on physical examination, it's a good indicator of hirsutism
• Women's cycles always seem to sync-up if they live together, so you have to feel sorry for a guy living with his wife in two daughters on the day before "the menstruation".
• others I can't remember (I'll listen to the podcast and add them sometime or not).

All I can say is that if this doctor is like that with patients his malpractice lawyer must think he's the best thing since sliced bread.

Perceptions of Smugness

The week before I was to start medical school I was getting some documents certified by my neighbor who is a JP and also a RN at one of the major metropolitan hospitals here in Brisbane. Whilst we were going through the paper work and discussing a variety of topics she said to me quite bluntly “Always think before you say anything inside the hospital”. This is pretty good advice to give someone like me since I seem to say what I think and consequences be dammed. To further explain this piece of advice she further explained a conversation she and her colleagues had overheard between two medical students where they denigrated the idea of working in a public hospital any longer than necessary. This apparently led the nurses to regard these medical students as arrogant, ignorant morons who were motivated predominantly by their hip pocket. Such an attitude I daresay would lead to less than a friendly working relationship between the nurses and these particular medical students, and deservedly so. Her wise words reminded me of an encounter I had once that gave me naught but the greatest dislike of medical students, and their perception of their place in society.

I was working over the holidays after I finished school to get some cash together before I started university. I wasn’t too excited with the job (making coffee) or how much I was getting paid ($ 8.60), but it was the best/only job that I’d been able to land. I had decided to take that job and work there while I kept looking for another job (I didn’t have to wait long). Now for whatever reason, either because the owner was old fashioned or because he wanted to keep dodgy books, this particular job paid in cash. So every week I’d walk up Queen St to the head office of this small company and collect my hard earned envelope of cash (I always counted it twice before I left the premises). As an aside, being paid in envelopes stuffed with cash does have the distinct power to make someone feel decidedly nefarious. After checking that the envelope was sufficiently plump I would then head to the bank at the bottom of Queen St where I’d deposit my hard earned cash.

Now one particular day I was depositing my money into the bank when I ran into someone I used to go to school with. Amongst the generally inane pleasantries he asked me, “What are you doing here at the moment?” “Just depositing my pay”, I said, and indicated the envelope I was carrying. “Where are you working?” He asked with interest aroused. “Just a coffee place”, I said being nonchalant and trying not to think about work. “What are you up to today?” I asked trying to move the conversation on from my uninteresting income stream. “Well you know, I’m just getting some finances in order before I head to Sydney tomorrow. I’m starting Medicine next week.” He said positively beaming and looking at me like he expected some kind of medal.

After further discussion I was getting ready to say goodbye and go peruse in a bookstore across the road when he said, “So you realized that university isn’t for you then?” All I could manage to say was “Huh?” I was simply floored by the insinuation from this little asshole that I wasn’t “cut out for the rigors of academia”. He was going to study medicine, so what! That didn’t make me a moron, nor give him the right to treat me like one even if I was. I might have a different opinion if he’d won the Nobel peace prize and the Field’s medal, but he hadn’t. Therefore all I could see through the rage clouding my vision was an arrogant little prick, just another little legacy who’d followed on his father’s coat tails and gone into medicine. As far as I could see his aspirations towards medicine were based solely on the potential remuneration (he wanted to be a radiologist) and the perceived prestige of being a doctor.

“No, I’m just working to get some cash and fill time till I start X [technical math/science based degree] in March” was my witty retort [I was far too polite back then]. “I’ve got to go [looking at my watch to feign urgency], I’ll see you around”, I said. “That seems unlikely since I’m heading to Sydney. So have a nice life.” He said to me with an ample serving of snide contempt. I was suddenly acutely aware of just how arrogant this guy had become in the month or so since we’d left school. Apparently his acceptance into medical school had given him the self-perception of being intellectually and culturally elite, and therefore superior to all other people.

Over the next few years I completed my undergraduate degree and worked a plethora of weird and wonderful jobs like most students do. During this time I came to the realization that I wanted to work in the biomedical sciences sphere. When pondering how I could affect such a radical career change [As my choice was dubbed by my colleagues] I realized that I had only two options. I could either complete a PHD or go to medical school. The PHD I seriously considered until I realized that I would end up as a researcher working for a drug or medical device company. I have always liked to see the results of my work, therefore a position where my efforts may never see light of day was not going to provide a satisfying career. Alternatively going to medical school and becoming a doctor would provide me with a challenging and altruistic career, with the additional personal benefit of very tangible results. That essentially clinched it for me, come what may I was going to medical school.

When I started medical school I made myself two promises. The first was that I would never be such a smug bastard as this former acquaintance was. As a segway I’m slightly horrified by the thought that he’s graduating at the end of this year and may potentially be my supervisor/boss at some point in the future. I then told my self that I would never denigrate the doctors and nurses in public hospitals (administrators a fair game though!), and I would avoid the filthy private sector in any way possible (It seems wrong to be paid more to deliver, presumably, the same standard of care).

People that bug you

So I'm sitting trying to study and next to me is a second year psychology student who is making it really hard for me to be a reasonable person. I'd say something to her but I'm leaving for dinner with some friends in a minute so what's the point. Instead I'm going to forever immortalise her as a douchebag here in my little corner of cyberspace.

Firstly there's the constant throat clearing is as if she disapproves of something, then there's the awful third rate heavy metal music she's listening to on her laptop. Despite the fact that she's using headphones her awful taste in music is broadcast to the entire library. I feel bad for the poor abused hair cells in her cochlear.

Then we come to this woman's sheer arrogance. If you're going to spread your stuff out across three spaces at least have a decent amount of work otherwise you look like you're trying to appear important. This just makes you appear arrogant because you actions imply that you feel you deserve extra space at the expense of other people who might actually need it.

Driving Like an Idiot

Everywhere I go lately I seem to come across motor vehicle accidents. The other night I was leaving a BBQ at a colleagues house and happened to pass an ambulance loading an injured motorbike rider into the back. This by itself was not particularly remarkable. However, I was quite amazed when less than a kilometer down the road I saw the full accident scene with the firefighters and ambos extracting someone from a car that had rear-ended a bus. From the damage it apparent that the bus whilst stationary had been hit by the car going full throttle.

Once again this was far from one of the most unsettling things I've seen lately. Whilst on holiday in another state some colleagues and I were driving along a winding road through the snowy mountains. When all of a sudden an ambulance came screaming up behind us on that narrow stretch of mountain road and passed us like we were standing still. Further up the road we reached a horrific accident where one car had crossed the centre line and been T-boned by an oncoming car.

The accident was a heap of twisted metal and broken glass pretending to be two cars. The front of the oncoming car was completely destroyed and parts of it littered the road. However, the worst part was the car that was hit from the side. The impact was centred upon the front passenger's door which had been pushed into where the centre console would sit. Surrounding this abomination of twisted steel and glass were all the emergency services, paramedics trying to stabilise the occupants of the car, firefighters trying to free the trapped occupants and police diverting the traffic and trying to keep the voyeurs moving.

As soon as our car cleared the area controlled by the police and rounded the bend we were being tailgated by a ute. The driver of which proceeded to overtake us on the wrong side of the road as soon as the first straight stretch of road appeared. This amazing act of idiocy caused all four budding doctors in the car to remark on the callousness of this person. This individual was able to witness such a horrific accident and then drive with a flagrant disdain for the safety of either themselves or other road users.

These events have got me wondering how many road deaths occur in this country not due to fatigue, driver error or mechanical failure but simply due to idiocy. Although I believe that idiocy needs to be defined in a driving context. Thus I define driving like a moronic troglodyte as any instance that includes the following:

1. Driving callously at either excessive speed or with maneuvers that show a reckless disregard for life and limb. [Think drifting through suburban streets or riding a motorbike in a prolonged wheelie past other vehicles and pedestrians. We get it you've got a motorbike and you're a tool. Congratulations!].
2. Driving under the influence of alcohol/drugs/oral sex. [yes that last one does happen]
3. Ute surfing [In this case the guy in the back is technically dumber than the driver, but they're both aiming for Darwin awards].
4. Driving a car that is exceedingly unroadworthy [I'm not talking about a broken tail light, more along the lines of the driver's seat being a milk crate and having a snorkel system hooked up to a mask (think fighter plane style) because there is and exhaust leak that fills that passenger cabin]

I just don't comprehend how some people fail to think that what they're attempting is a bad idea. Do they have no concept of danger? Do they just not think about the potential consequences of their actions, or are these "brilliant" individuals more concerned with the potential bragging rights that certain stunts may afford them?

In all fairness my motor vehicle record is far from sparkling. I have once been ticketed for speeding, and have once crashed my car in a single vehicle MVC. Although the MVC was due to driving in dangerous conditions (Massive rain) and was shortly after getting my licence. As the police put it, "You just weren't ready to be driving in this kind of weather yet son." Sure I made an error in judgment. I thought that I could drive in extremely heavy rain, which was fine until there was water washing across the road. At that point I think my driving skills were fine but I was severely let down by my boating skills. It would appear that I lack the ability to sail a car, which I found out in the split second between having no connection between the tyres and the road and having a street lamp make itself my new hood ornament.

Whenever I see an accident these days I wonder as to the cause. What was the catalyst for this potentially fatal chain of events? Was this the regrettable product of idiocy fueled by alcohol, drugs, testosterone and teenage arrogance, or something more benign but equally tragic? Were a young man's last words, "Hey guys check this out", as he obliterated himself and his friends? Or did a tired/inexperienced driver make a simple control/judgement error leading to a tragic outcome?

Regardless of the cause of an accident the ambulance officers, nurses and doctors provide proper care and attention to all accident victims. I just wish they didn't have to deal with as many accident victims and the families of these victims due to the significant number of people who fail to think.

Falling Standards at ACME SOM

So I've recently become rather acutely aware of the marked decline in academic and professional standards that ACME SOM seems to require from its students. How do I know these standards are falling, I hear my 4 readers ask.

Well recently ACME SOM has introduced a program which allows the students to set 25% of their final examination questions themselves (Capt Atopic has previously mention a similar/same program here). Additionally all of these student generated questions and the model answers will be available to students prior to the examination. This laughable program has been given an educational grant in order to test the hypothesis that "if students generate their own questions they will ba be less stressed and perform better". Well ofcourse students will feel less stressed and perform better if the answers for their exams given to them. Really, it just seem obvious doesn't it?

Ironically this isn't the funniest research grant I've heard of in Australia, but it is the stupidest. Several years ago a grant was issued for research in the shearing industry to determine "the forces involved in dragging a sheep across various surfaces" (here). Although unlike the ACME SOM research, this somewhat hilarious project actually has a genuine use. It enabled improved ergonomic design in the Australian wool industry, thereby improving productivity and potentially reducing the future burden of injury. The author (Dr John Culvenor, Phd) also won an Ig Nobel prize in 2003 (here). However, this ACME SOM study makes me wonder if I could get some kind of educational funding to test the hypothesis that "If one cheats their way through medical school they will have more free time and feel more relaxed".

I guess that anyone reading this post is wondering why I'm so down on a concept that may make medical school easier for both my colleagues and myself. Additionally, some other medical students may feel the green monster on their back, and believe I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth. I may well be taking a new advantage for granted, but I believe that this development goes against the best interests of the society our graduates are meant to serve. I've begun to question the admission and teaching standards at ACME SOM since my encounter with Nipple Guy (mentioned by Capt Atpoic here, and myself here). More recently these doubts were strengthened when a colleague of mine overheard the following statements/questions from someone in our cohort (a 2nd year at ACME SOM):

• What's the difference between morbidity and mortality?
  
• What's the periosteum [I'm pretty sure this was covered last year, several times]
  
• Constipation is when you can't pass urine. [then what the hell do they define as anuria?]

So now I have nightmares about graduating medical school and having to practice with a bunch of interns who are completely incompetent. I have visions of working with hordes of doctors akin to Bongi's "blind chicken boy", a true horror and hilarious at the same time. I fear it's only a short time till the grading standards at ACME SOM become akin to those at Texas highschools, where apparently a student's average GPA can only go up, according to new policies. This truly moronic system is debated and suitable denegrated for the festering turd it is by Tiny Shrink (here).

I apologise to anyone who has read this "link heavy" post. Ultimatley I hope that someone of significance and intellignece at ACME SOM reads this, and realises that they're flushing the future of a once fine institution down the toilet.

The Voice of Reason.